Milestones--Part Two

The second major milestone last week was my birthday.  It was a big birthday.  The kind of birthday that when my parents turned that age I thought they were really old.  I don't feel really old.  I feel really beaten up by the last year and a half.  Several months ago I started to wonder what I would do to mark this milestone, coming three days after the first anniversary of Tom's death.  There was no one to throw a party for me, so if I thought I wanted one, then it was going to be up to me.  But that sort of thing isn't done, is it?  And really, I'm not one to put myself out there for that kind of attention, just not my style.  But I did know that I wanted to honor Tom's first angelversary.  And I really wanted to show my gratitude to those people who have been there for me over the last year.  So with those three reasons for a party, I asked for Tom's guidance.  And all I kept "hearing" from him was, "Do it.  You deserve it."  So I planned an elegant celebration.

Of course, I asked Tom's band to play.  How could I have a party without my RuMoRs family?  I learned a few weeks beforehand that the regular drummer would not be available and the band had asked Tom's friend, mentor and drum teacher to sit in.  I was thrilled.  And then the thought popped into my head, perhaps he would consider playing Tom's favorite drum kit that night.  I hadn't heard it in over a year and it would be the last time I would be able to hear it before it moved to its new home. Tracy agreed to play them, and I had one last chance to be the roadie and hump equipment to a gig.  It was so wonderful to have them there, to hear them.  It meant a lot to the band. It was a wonderful way to honor Tom.

I invited a range of people to the event.  Those invited were those who were particularly supportive over the last year.  My family.  My friends.  Many had known Tom.  But there were also people who have only come to know Tom through my memories of him.  I wanted to be able to thank them all for their support, let them know how grateful I am and to remind them all that the job was not yet done.  The second year can be harder than the first.  Or so I've been told.  And so I believe.

And finally, if I have to get older, why not have a party? A party at the end of January is always a welcome distraction.  The big night arrived, and there was no rain in sight.  The guests arrived, the food was eaten, the toasts were made, the band played and those with rhythm (or suspected rhythm) danced.  And danced.  And you know what?  I had a fabulous time.  It was the best birthday EVER! I even wore a tiara (my bestie wanted me to wear one and I refused, but then another friend brought one as a gift and insisted--it was quite lovely.)

The theme for the evening was Remember, Appreciate, Celebrate.  Words that we should all live by every day.